If I Stay Alternative Ending
by DirtyDan
Summary: Alternative Ending to Gayle Forman's "If I Stay."


I was sitting, watching my body lay still. I knew I didn't want to stay, but something was holding me back. It was Adam. I was waiting for him to come back, from last night. Where did he run off to? But it didn't really matter. I knew what my decision was going to be, and nothing, even Adam could stop me. I'm not known to be a patient person. One time, I was eating at Applebee's with my parents and Teddy. About thirty minutes had passed and I was tempted to walk out, but my parents desisted. "No, let's wait a little longer. I'm sure it'll be here any minute now," my dad said. "I can't wait any longer. Besides, I don't even like it here. Maybe I should leave and go over to Adam's and you guys could stay here. Teddy can have my dessert." I wasn't a huge aficionado of Applebee's food, but their desserts were decent, so I only ordered them whenever we ate here. Teddy got excited about my suggestion, since he'd been starving on our way here. "Oh, look. Here comes the waiter with our food," mom said, eyeing dad. Teddy had a disdainful look on his face, being the big eater he was. I sat back down in my seat and ate my dessert slowly. I don't even remember what I ordered. It tasted like icecream with some nuts, and chocolate sauce? Maybe a sundae. I shrugged off the thought and proceeded eating the dish mindlessly. I heard footsteps coming towards where I was and smelled a strong scent of sweat and Axe. It was Adam. He'd looked like he'd just ran a marathon and quickly put on some Axe to cover up the smell of the sweat leaking through his clothes. He walked over to my body, surrounded with tubes and bandages. "Hey, Mia." he whispered. "So, here's the thing…" he said with a nervous tone, as if he was about to tell a huge secret. "I want you to stay. More than anything in the world, I just don't want to lose you. I know that it'll be hard, living without Teddy and your parents, but you've got people who love you in your life. You've got me, Kim, your grandparents, and everyone else left in your family. We all love you. You may think that your life would just be a trainwreck when you wake up, considering your losses but it's not. I know you're also concerned about losing me, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll go to New York with you. I care more about you in Julliard right now, than me anywhere else where I won't get to see you. So, just…please stay. Don't leave me like this." I stared at him, looking at my body hopefully waiting for me to wake up. I couldn't stand to see him like this. Adam was on the verge of tears, holding my hand and watching me carefully for any bit of movement. And that's when I made my decision that I was going to stay. I had people who loved me, and that wasn't going to change. I may have lost my family, but I haven't lost the rest of the people who still matter. If I really loved them, I shouldn't have to think twice about staying. There really was something from stopping me, though. How am I going to stay? With this condition I'm in, I don't know what the hell I was supposed to do. I used all my energy to get up and tried laying on top of my motionless body. Nothing. That was the only method I could come up with. I buried my face in my knees. How am I supposed to stay when I'm like this? What the fuck do I do? I stared at my heart monitor, and it stopped. I could feel my heart stop. Not literally from my body, but I felt the feeling. Adam burst into tears and I realized I was dead. It hasn't quite hit me yet, since I couldn't feel it but I was dead. I was still in this condition. I didn't have an option after all. I was gone, just like that. I've hurt everyone who had been hoping for me to stay alive. I was so struck by this, I couldn't move. All I could do was watch everyone mourn my death. So, I did. I watched everyone and silently felt dead inside. I didn't want to see this, but I was being forced to. Yet another thing I don't have a choice in. Just great. I don't know what my life is anymore. Literally.


End file.
